First of all, I wish you all a safe and enjoyable mother’s day to those who can share it with their mom. Appreciate and love her and realize how lucky you are.
We sometimes take what we have for granted because we know it always to be there, and sometimes that’s alright. However, there are some people out there who have gone through pain and loss in way’s we may not fully understand, and we trivialize it due to this lack of understanding.
I ask you to read a submission from one of our Peace of Mind visitors and get a glimpse into the thoughts of a heartbroken mom. Listen to her story and her message and see how you can apply it to your life and gratitude on this Mother’s Day.
With Mother’s Day fast approaching many are looking forward to celebrating it with the special ladies in their lives; girlfriend, wife, relative, friend and of course their own mother. There is however, a difficult side to this holiday for persons who have lost their mothers and for mothers who have lost their children. Unfortunately I am a mother who has lost her child.
It has not yet been a year since I miscarried my baby; the pain is still very fresh. Words cannot describe the level of anxiety and sadness that I feel with this day coming. Every day closer to the holiday I feel increasingly anxious. I wonder how to deal with it. Staying off of social media will definitely be one approach so in that way I am not bombarded by images reminding me of my own loss. My mother and grandmother are still alive so as to not have them feel badly or left out I have made prior arrangements for them to each have a gift delivered to them on the day.
In my mind and heart I feel such sorrow knowing that this <em>should </em>have been my first Mother’s Day with my own child, I <em>should </em>have been holding him in my arms…. I <em>should </em>have been happy. The emptiness I have felt since that day has not been filled. People are always quick to make statements like, “You can always get pregnant again,” or, “Everything happens for a reason,” and even act like you should just get over it because, “It’s been long enough.” My answers to these statements are, “I wanted that pregnancy, I wanted that baby.” “There is no reason that could warrant my child having to die,” yes it wasn’t just a pregnancy loss my child died. “Don’t rush me, it’s my process. There’s nothing wrong with a mother mourning the loss of her baby.”
Mothers who have been through this grief are not just statistics, we are people. We are Mothers who have lost our child. There is no grief that can be compared to this for me.
If I could have ever gotten the chance to hold my baby and talk to him just once, I would have told him, “I love you, I have since the moment I found out that you were growing in me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. There’s nothing I would hesitate to do for you. Nothing could stop me from doing what I have to do for you as your mother.” Tears are falling from my eyes as I write this. Losing my baby has been the most harrowing experience I have had to endure as I know it is for many other women this has happened to. You feel like a mother, but there is no one for you to be a mother to. Although the world may not recognize you as a mother, I do. You should not think of yourself as less of a mother or even a bad mother due to what has occurred.
I write this piece not to put a damper on Mother’s Day, nor to take away from the fact that mothers deserve to be celebrated and thanked, but to bring awareness. If you know someone who has had to endure this pain, even if you do not fully understand or understand at all, please be sensitive to what she is dealing with. It is the best thing you can do. Men who have been with with a mother who has lost your child please be supportive. Do not have her bear the pain, loss and suffering alone. She did not get pregnant alone so she should not hurt alone. Be there to support her, even if it’s too simply hold her close while she cries so she doesn’t feel alone or abandoned.
Not every mother was able to meet her child. I think my angel was too beautiful for Earth.
We take these burdens in our mind and our hearts and sometimes we don’t even feel the support to express it. I ask you to share your story and let out that pain. Let others know, let them care and let the healing begin.
As always, take some time for your Peace of Mind.
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